First of all, let me start by saying that when researching the net for pictures to use in this review, I came across this,Night Of The Demons Fan Site , which is a full on site dedicated to this film. That says a lot right there as the site is pretty in depth, especially when what I’m about to review is about as predictable and unoriginal as any 80’s horror film COULD be, YET Night of The Demons is actually a pretty fun little flick.

Directed by Kevin Tenney (Witchboard) , and starring Linnea Quigley Night Of The Demons came out in 1988, towards the end of the hay-day of direct to video horror flicks. For those of you old enough to remember those days, basically every single Tuesday, a dozen Horror movies would come out at your local video store, and all 12 were easily broken into a handful of categories based upon previous horror plots. Night of the Demons is based upon the “Evil Dead” mold. Ya know, when a group of teens (played by late 20’s actors) go to a “spooky place” where bad things have happened, and accidentally set off the Armageddon.

Yep, seems the kids decide to invite to earth some evil spirits, which really doesn’t pan out all that well WAY too often in these films. But fret not, we’ll have lots of tits, gore, a combo of both in one memorable scene, and some of the best/worst dialogue (“eat a bowl of fuck”) around.

Ready? Cause here comes the review.

SO as we’re passing the bowl during the opening credits Frankie is already impressed with the animations for the credits. He also gave a big thumbs up to the title screen menu. Yep, it REALLY doesn’t take much to impress him.

The viewer is now introduced to some of the characters/victims. We meet the fat loud mouth, Stoodge, and the two whiners of the film, Whiney White Girl Helen, and Whiney Black Guy Roger. At this point I had to correct Frankie, for it was in fact NOT Dave Chapelle and Nasty Boy Brian Knobbs in the car, but two other guys you’ll probably never see again until they cash you out at Home Depot.

We are next introduced to Judy and Jay, the all American yuppie couple (she wants to give Jay her flower, but she’s just not ready yet. Oooooooooh) and their friends, Max (dude that explains the plot/backstory to you) and Frannie (hot asian chick that will in fact show nip), as well as Sal, the Bad Boy. Lest I forget meeting Judy’s little brother, whom ACTUALLY SAYS, when seeing his sister in her bra, ”Wow, bodacious boobies, sis!” .

Well, all these kids have been invited to the party of the year, at the Hull House. And this isn’t any party at a creepy old mortuary, oh no,no,no kid, it’s on Halloween night, so everyone has to wear a costume. Besides the heroine being Alice (and us getting to see her sweet ass when changing into her costume, NEVER PUTTING ON PANTIES) and the black pirate, the best costume is Jay’s 80’s Miami Vice look.

Wait, what’s that? He’s NOT wearing a costume? You fuckin kiddin me? Whoa. Man.

Finally, and I’m saving the best for last here, we meet the two ladies throwing the Hull House party. We’ve got Gothy Angela, the actual party thrower, and her friend’s ass. Seriously. Look to the side there. See that picture? That’s a screen shot of how Linnea Quigley’s Suzanne is introduced. It’s like a ten second shot of her ass shaking. Tremendous. Well, Angela seems a little sketchy, and Suzanne is an appearance obsessed slut looking for “some cute boys”, but all of our players are headed to the party.

Oh yeah. I nearly forgot, because it’s completely unrelated to anything else happening in the film. There’s a cut away scene of an old man threatening to put razors in apples for the trick-or-treaters. Now, when you see it, you’ll probably try to figure out how this will play into the larger script. Save the brainpower. It doesn’t. Seriously. I’ll get back to the “finale” of this “sub-plot” later.

Well, on the way to the party things happen as they are want to do. Cars break down, arguments break out, and the entire plot is laid out in one conversation with more dramatic pauses than in one of Bush’s political speeches. Seems the grounds are evil, but that evil is contained by the river that circles (is this on a fucking island?) the property, with the stroke of engineering genius in placing a large brick wall directly over the river. Since the time of Native Americans, this property has been believed to be evil, and this theory gains strength when you consider that Mr. Hull was believed to fuck corpses. As Max puts it,…”Makes sense, I once say a picture of Mrs. Hull”

Once the party begins, you can tell this is a rager. We’ve got a black dude that can’t dance, and lines like, ”Count Dingleberry, the Flaming Asshole of Transylvania”. Too bad fat frig Stoodge fails everyone when his boom box fucks up, but Angela saves the party by suggesting….A SÉANCE. Yep. Bet you NEVER even saw it coming. One Séance later, the evil spirits have been loosed from the crematorium, and proceed make haste to possess Suzanna via her lipstick.

As usually happens in parties in haunted mortuaries, the couples take off to fuck in say a casket, or another room. As lights flicker and noises bang about, the Whiney Couple bails and hides outside (“the noise, the stink, and the chill…all signs of a demonic infestation.”) because it’s….safer, I guess? Possessed Suzanne asks the fat frig to walk her to the pisser, which leaves Bad Boy Sal with Gothy Angela. Oh yeah, Angela is possessed now as well because Suzanne made out with her. Pretty cool. No ACTUAL hot chick sex, but the kiss is nice enough. This successfully breaks the group into pairs, for plot reasons, AND to have even MORE dramatic pauses between every single line of dialogue.

I won’t ruin all the goings on, but long story short, one by one of the schmucks get possessed/killed, till we whittle it down to the Whiney Black Guy and Judy. Now, I’m skipping over some pretty cool shit here, but let’s give a quick run down. Angela does a hot ass dance, no tits, but her ass, and a nice one it is, is shown many times. Suzanne gets topless, a few times, shows bush, AND does one of the coolest things with lipstick I’ve ever seen. Frannie gets topless (wicked tits), while humping Max in a coffin. Come on, like YOU haven’t wanted to fuck in a coffin.

I’d like to do a little aside here if I may. Ya see, it was while these things were happening in the film that I noticed, at 68 minutes into this movie, Frankie was out cold in the recliner, unfinished beer next to him. He came back to briefly at the 74 minute mark, but that only lasted a couple of minutes. As he continued his nap of pussiness, I cracked beer five (Sam Adams Honey Porter). Feelin pretty fuckin sweet, I ignored Frankie’s snoring, and watched the climax of Night of the Demons.

So, as the Virginal Judy and the Vaginal Roger run like bitches from the possessed party-goers, I became aware of three things.

1. Angela apparently has a skateboard permanently attached to her feet, as she doesn’t WALK so much as GLIDE around.

2. Climbin up barbed wire, while demons yank on your legs is pretty hardcore.

3. The timing of the sun rising ALWAYS will happen at the LAST POSSIBLE SECOND if it means saving your life. Really, like in EVERY movie.

Now, my friends, you may think that the movie is over, but NO! Look, scroll up an read that shit I wrote about the pointless, unconnected cut away scene in the beginning of the movie. Read that shit? A’ight. Now it’s time for the conclusion of that “sub-plot”. And though you can see it coming a fucking mile away, it still comes off well, due largely to the special effects here.

Speaking of which, over all, the special effects are pretty damned good for an obviously lower budgeted film. The acting is passable at best, and I’m being generous there, but that kinda works for the fun-yet-lame vibe this movie has.

So if you’re ready for some nice tits/ass/bush, some gore, some lame acting, and some hilarious dialogue, rent (or hell, even buy for $6.97) Night Of The Demons, crack some beers, and enjoy the party!

Dr. Payne

Beers Consumed: Pre-movie (8 Sam Adams Sampler Pack) During Movie (6 Sam Adams Summer and Sampler Pack)